April 2009

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My 4-year-old daughter Phoebe came home from her kiddie-gymnastics class yesterday with body language that was screaming “exhaustion.” She practically stumbled into the house, eyelids heavy as frying pans.

bopIf she were still taking midday naps, now would have been the perfect time for one. Except that she doesn’t nap anymore. Instead, Phoebe just keeps going, even when she’s worn out and frazzled. And when she’s particularly tired, as she was yesterday, she only wants one thing: her pacifier (aka “boppy”).

I’m embarrassed to tell you about this. I never imagined myself as a parent who would allow her 4 year old to use a pacifier. But here I am, finding it nearly impossible to take away my daughter’s most beloved possession.

Part of me believes it’s long overdue. She’s not a toddler anymore, and all of her peers who once had pacifiers have long given them up. Some of Phoebe’s preschool friends have shifted their attachment away from a pacifier to a new beloved object. One kid we know gave up his pacifier but now wears a cape everywhere.

Another part of me still isn’t ready to take away my daughter’s self-soother, because it does an amazing job when she’s sad or needs to collect herself. I just keep hoping that she’ll gradually lose interest. I once read that kids with an unwanted behavior, like pacifier-sucking habit, usually give it up on their own by age 5, even if you do nothing.

So far, Phoebe hasn’t lost even a smidge of interest in boppy. She loves, I mean, really loves it. Sometimes I think that if her pacifier could warm up macaroni and cheese in the microwave, Phoebe would have no use for me at all.

I may be dragging my feet on eliminating the pacifier, but it’s certainly not for lack of suggested tactics. My wise mom friends have lots of ideas and strategies.

Here are five of their cold-turkey tactics:

  • Donate. Encourage child to donate his pacifier to new babies who need them. Of course, you’re not really donating your skanky, old pacifiers to nice, new babies. But your child can believe he’s doing a good deed by making a gift of his pacifiers. They can be left under a pillow at night for the Pacifier Fairy to magically retrieve or given to the family dentist.
  • Off With Their Heads. Cut off the tip of the pacifier. Without suction, pacifiers are frustratingly non-suckable.
  • Bribery. My brother- and sister-in-law promised their 3-year-old daughter a fabulous dress-up dress to reward her for giving up her pacifier. That was all the incentive she needed.
  • Oops! I forgot the pacifier. Leave town for a vacation and “accidentally” forget the pacifiers. This is Matt’s idea. I’m not sure how I feel about it. The only thing worse than being at home when your kid is wailing inconsolably at night because she’s going through pacifier withdrawal is being on vacation when it happens.

In the meantime, my husband and I have done what our dentist advises us to do: begin weaning Phoebe off her “boppy.” (Our dentist tells us that Phoebe’s bone structure makes her a prime candidate for braces, regardless of how long she sucks on her pacifier. Is that good news or bad news? I’m not sure.)

So we’ve laid down a rule at home: We’ve told Phoebe that she’s only to have her bop at bedtime. She’s allowed to get it once she’s wearing her pajamas. Before we made the rule, Phoebe would pop her boppy in her mouth throughout the day.

And I’m looking at the calendar to set a date for giving up the bop. I want things to go as smoothly as possible, so I’m aiming for a perfectly ordinary week, when no one has the flu or a new schedule. Mid-summer is looking good.

I’m ready. But is Phoebe? Doubtful.

(Note: This is something I wrote for Sesame Street’s parenting newsletter, which comes out today. I’ve deleted some paragraphs and made a few embellishments. Sign up for the Sesame Street newsletter here.)

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This gloomy economy has me feeling scattered. My ability to prioritize has flown right out the window because everything feels important, like it needs to be done today, right now.

My daily thought process sounds something like this: “What should I work on now — the stories due Friday? new story pitches? catch-up reading? my blog, so I can build my personal brand? something else that every other freelancer is doing but that I haven’t figured out yet?”

602px-cyclist_l_georget_loc_04379jpgToday my thoughts were in a whirl, when I saw that one of my interviews had gone up on a client’s site. It was an interview with Steve Owens, who runs a training program for elite, Tour de France-level athletes. The topic was overcoming barriers.

Reading it again made me realize that I’m hitting a barrier now. My vision and thinking are both stuck. I’m so worried about being a freelance writer in this economy that it’s getting in the way of prioritizing or rethinking what I’m doing, which requires stepping back and seeing the big picture.

But here’s what I think I can learn from Steve or any good coach: There’s always a way to overcome a barrier or become unstuck. Steve doesn’t believe in barriers. And it’s easy to see why — he’s constantly helping people break through them. The trick is in finding creative approaches to clearing the hurdles.

Steve does it with the help of sophisticated tools and one-on-one conversation. His elite clientele fly in to Colorado to use his training facility’s test bed, which is a stationery bike inside a wind tunnel. Three cameras film the cyclist from different perspectives as Steve is running the test, all the while capturing and measuring body angles — at the hip, knee, etc.

The more information he can collect on the athlete, the better. He can look at what an athlete’s drag is at any particular point of the ride, then help the athlete refine that baseline position to improve his speed. In the case of cycling, it’s all about overcoming wind resistance.

Here’s what I learned from Steve about overcoming any obstacles:

Exploring new ways of doing things requires confirming which things don’t work. Steve might ask a cyclist to hold his neck differently to see if that reduces wind resistance, or he might try a different stem for the bike. He’s constantly figuring out what doesn’t work.

I’ve tried some things lately that haven’t worked. For example, I thought that Elance.com and Guru.com would be a goldmine for freelance work. But after investing time in establishing my profile and clips on the sites, the results have been disappointing — too many low bids from the international market.

For a while, I allowed myself to wallow in that mini-failure. But it was just one experiment, and it didn’t work. Time to move on.

Let go of assumptions. Allow yourself to be surprised. For example, Steve says, “We train a guy who’s a world champion in the time trial. He puts his elbows pretty far apart on the handlebars, which is actually very counterintuitive. You’d think that would be slower. But we took the measurements, and it actually works for him. That’s just how his body is shaped. We can make assumptions about things, but they’re not always correct.”

Sometimes we assume we have to do things a certain way. If a world-class coach can assume wrong, it’s entirely possible that some of my assumptions are wrong too. That’s why exploring — bullet #1 — is important. Rigid assumptions are like shackles when you’re trying to find a new way of thinking or working.

To come up with groundbreaking ideas, you have to forget about the rules. If you’re a cyclist — and I’m not — you probably know  there are a lot of rules dictating what you can’t do within the sport. Steve says it’s important that his team not feel so confined by the rules that they’re unable create new ideas. A good way to do that is to bring in someone who doesn’t even know the rules. In the past, Steve has brought in the U.S. National Ski Team to work on a solution.

Your emotions are going to get in the way. They just are. In the middle of a brutal exam week, you’re going to feel the mental stress getting to you physically. It’s the same thing with cycling or writing. If you don’t factor in emotions, you’re going to expect too much from yourself. Steve asks his athletes to score their mental and emotional stress, to make sure the intensity of their training is a good fit. He may shorten a bike ride, if someone is feeling rough emotionally.

If you’re still running into barriers, you either have unfair expectations or you need to take a break. Here’s where I could use a good coach, like Steve, or a mentor. As a freelancer, I don’t have a boss or trusted co-worker, so there’s no one for me to do a temperature check with. Do I have unfair expectations or need a break?

Steve says that often people don’t have good, realistic goals. You want to run a marathon? It’s going to take some time to reach that goal, so set up some smaller goals along the way. He also says that when a person says she’s hit a barrier or a plateau, nine times out of 10 that person needs a rest. Lately, I’ve been resting. I stopped using Twitter (mostly) and avoided my blog for a month. And I feel much better now, thank you.

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For once, I’m on top of it. Usually I wouldn’t start purchasing loot for a second-tier holiday (Easter, Valentine’s Day, etc.) until a couple of days beforehand. Apparently, I prefer the adrenaline rush of waiting until the last minute and then sifting through Target’s ravaged displays.

But this time, people, I’ve got everything I need for the Easter baskets, and I have a whole week and then some until the holiday. And I didn’t even have to go to Target. How smart am I?

Full credit goes to Alpha Mom for posting stories with straightforward headlines like “Easter Basket Gift Ideas” for getting me in gear early. Nothing like photos bunny-shaped soaps and finger puppets to light a fire under you.

Here’s what I’ll be tucking into plastic eggs and divvying (depending on 4-year-old’s and 6-year-old’s desires) into two Easter baskets:

Vintage beads. Phoebe is still into dress-up, while Annabel has decided she’s much too old for it. So Phoebe lucks out with the navel-length (on me!) strand of pink and white beads I found at a local vintage shop.

Oversized strawberry-shaped sunglasses that will make Phoebe look like someone from the cast of “Hair.” (These won’t fit into a plastic egg, but I made an exception for them. If you’d been with me in the store, you would have said, “You must buy these strawberry-shaped sunglasses. It will be the Easter that Phoebe tells her children about.” They’re that good.)

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A light pink lip glosse by Bella Il Fiore, attached to a little key-ring and clip, for Annabel to clip to her belt loop or purse strap or wherever. I have happy memories of a 1970s childhood filled with strawberry- and Dr. Pepper-flavored Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers. So even though I have mixed feelings about giving lip gloss to a 6 year old, the Lip Smackers feelings win.

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Felt dove pin made by quirky English designer Kate Garey. Vogue dubbed her accessories “a fashion inspiration for 2009.” I’m maaay-jahly crazy about her. I’m imagining this pinned to Annabel’s book satchel or on a jacket. She and I have been talking a lot about accessorizing this year, so I think she’ll know just what to do with it.

’50s-style chiffon scarves in lavender. Again, it’s all about accessorizing. Or dressing up, depending.

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Tiny handmade Waldorf dolls that tuck inside pastel wool eggs. I saw these in the Alpha Mom story and went straight to Etsy to order a couple of them.

I’m not one of these mothers who, for nutrition’s sake, doesn’t do candy at Easter. I do candy. We’ve got two small chocolate bunnies in purple foil, pastel jelly beans and speckled-egg malt balls.

As Phoebe would say, “Voila! Done!” What’s going into your baskets?

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I don’t know about you, but I’m having a hell of a time keeping up with all the conversations out there. I know, I know. I was just extolling the virtues of “the conversation” last month. And I still believe it’s important to follow what people are talking about. I just have no idea how to do it efficiently. I literally spend hours every day monitoring web sites, blogs, social-networking sites, Twitter — and it can be overwhelming.

As a writer, I need to keep up with trends in order to write about them. But I’m also easily seduced by a hundred links that I don’t really need to click. I’ve found it takes an enormous amount of willpower not to meander.

So I’ve been trying to find the right tools to track whatever I’m writing about, plus news and other relevant conversations — without becoming distracted and overwhelmed.

Here’s what I’m liking:

netvibes-ginger-main-72dpi1A dashboard like Netvibes to monitor it all. I heard about Netvibes from Dawn Foster of Web Worker Daily. It’s an RSS-based dashboard that gathers all your favorite online pieces together, so you can see everything at once. I’ve switched to this site vs. Google Reader, because visually, it’s in a whole different league.

What’s good: It’s easy to grab chunks of headlines and move them around the page or to different tabs. You can make stories appear as short headlines or “magazine-style” with subheads and photos. And you can easily share headlines via Facebook, Twitter or email.

Also, if you want to follow a headline to the story, you can usually click on the “Show Website” button to see the story within Netvibes, so you don’t end up visiting the site and frittering time away.

For now, I’ve got three different tabs set up — Daily Check, News and Work (for workplace topics). So, instead of visiting The New York Times, Daily Beast, Slate, and a few other sites I want to see first thing, I can see those streaming headlines on my Daily Check tab. That’s also where I follow Twitter. (Side note: I don’t track loads of people on Twitter, but if I did, I suspect this undifferentiated stream of tweets wouldn’t do.)

Alternately, MyAlltop is kinda the same thing. Alltop, on its own, gathers 31,000 of the best blogs and web sites on a range of topics. Set up a custom, no-frills MyAlltop page, and you can pinpoint the specific feeds that interest you. I like the way you can eavesdrop on the MyAlltop pages of web-world celebrities. But I prefer the prettiness of Netvibes.

tour_macjpgA digital scrapbook for storing everything. Now, once you’ve found something interesting online, how do you save it for later? Sure, you could bookmark the page within your browser or store it on Delicious. But that’s not working for me. I tend to use my bookmark list as a list of go-to sites, not as storage space. And I get completely sidetracked by the stuff on Delicious.

So I’m using Evernote, which I’ve written about before. You can save a web page or just a few words and put it in your Evernote “notebook,” which you can then easily organize however you want.

Actually, you don’t even need to organize your snippets. When you want to find, say, that interesting article you read about pea-green petticoats, simply search for “petticoats.” It can even scan for a word within images.

Know of an even better way to keep up? Share!

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