What a mentor can teach you

I was 24, working as an editor for a magazine in Paris. It was my first job in publishing, and I had zero experience. To say I was lucky to land the job in the first place would be the understatement of the year.

Tish — whose current blog, A Femme d’un Certain Age, is there on the left — was editor-in-chief.

At 30-something (we never knew her age), Tish was already a veteran. She’d written and edited for Elle, W magazine, WWD and The Chicago Tribune, among others. She was easily the most fabulous woman I had worked with — always hilarious, super-smart, put-together, gracious, beautiful and talented. And as a new editor, I tried to soak up everything I could from her.

These days, as I’m banging out stories, it often occurs to me that the best things I know about editing and writing I learned from her. As it turns out, I also learned a few things that have nothing to do with editing.

The three most lasting lessons from my first mentor:

1. You do not want to lose your cool. No Drama Obama has now made this abundantly clear to us all. But I was lucky enough to learn it early in my career.

Here’s what losing your cool looks like: One of our writers was well-known, with great credentials and everything, so she was understandably peeved when she didn’t get paid on time for an article she’d produced for us. She came into our offices one day to confront the publisher. I was sitting with Tish in her office when we overheard the writer yelling wildly at the publisher about the whole situation.

This was years ago, so I can’t remember exactly what Tish said, but it was something like, “That’s really bad form. You never have to yell like that.”

I’m pretty sure that, in the moment, the writer felt gratified to be reaming out the publisher, who was admittedly a horrible person to work for. She paid many of us late and lousily. But in the end, the out-of-control writer lost a little of her luster, in Tish’s eyes.

So, make a mental note: You want to make something happen? Do it without making an idiot out of yourself. Also? People are more likely to do what you want them to do if you’re generally nice to them. (This applies equally to co-workers, waiters and DMV clerks.) The writer left the office that day without her check.

2. You’re not always as brilliant as you think you are. The first big feature I wrote was a collection of short profiles. It wasn’t supposed to be my article, but the assigned writer flaked out, so Tish gave me a shot at it. I was pretty sure it was the most brilliant article ever written, so I handed it over to my editor full of hope and expectation.

I still cringe thinking about what followed. As she started marking it up beside me, I began defending the writing, lobbying to keep this or that the way it was. After listening briefly, Tish put her hand on my arm and said, “You’ll thank me for this later.” It shut me up immediately. And of course she was right. I’m completely thankful to her.

Every writer needs a strong editor, just like everyone needs a person at work who will give it to them straight. When you’re just starting out in your career, doses of humility hurt. But better to swallow them early.

3. If you can, be funny. Of Tish’s many good qualities, her sense of humor would have to be at the top of the list (and it’s a long list). Humor is a tricky thing; there’s always the risk that you’ll come across as a Michael Scott (from “The Office”) or that you’ll deploy it inappropriately. But Tish’s humor worked for her. It’s one of the things that made people swarm around her. And I could see that she kept people near her who made her laugh. Including her husband.

Of course you can do your job without being funny. But if you can swing it, be good at making them laugh once in a while.